I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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