Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
