but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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