I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
