I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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