She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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my poor anus
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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