Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
