You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
