oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize