she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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