i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
