You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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