I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
