I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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