his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
