im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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