This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
