I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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