I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
