Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
