So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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