Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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