so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
