We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize