in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
