I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
