But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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