I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
