i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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