So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize