And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
