Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
