My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
