Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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