I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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