Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i've created a new STD.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
