i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
