I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
