I love black thongs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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