I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
