Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
