I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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