And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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