The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
