why didn't you poke me back
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
