SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize