i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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