I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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