if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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