The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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