I bet he comes in French.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
