I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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