Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
