oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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