Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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