Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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