This is not my ceiling
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize