So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
