I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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