Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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