Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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